FUCK YOU BLOG!!!!!!!

OH, THIS IS FUCKING WAR! BLOGGER, YOU BASTARD.

WHAT? YOU THINK YOU CAN PLAY FUCKING GOD NOW, IS THAT IT? DASHING YOUNG MEN'S CREATIVE ABILITIES BY SAYING THERE IS AN ERROR OR JUST NOT PUBLISHING SOME OF THE GREATEST WORK THIS SIDE OF DOSTOEYEVSKY OR VONNEGUT IS A TRAGEDY, BLOGGER. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED. WAS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH WHAT I HAD WRITTEN? ABSOLUTELY NOT. YOU KNOW THAT. YOU FUCKING KNEW THAT I HAD JUST WRITTEN SOMETHING INCREDIBLY INSPIRED AND BRILLIANT AND YOU JUST BLEW IT OFF LIKE A PIECE OF CYBER TRASH. FINE. I JUST WANTED TO MAKE THE GUYS LAUGH. I JUST WANTED TO CREATE SOMETHING THAT I THOUGHT WAS INCREDIBLY ORIGINAL AND NOW ITS GONE AND I CANNOT, I REPEAT, CANNOT CREATE THE SAME THING, WITH THE SAME KIND OF HEART AND EMOTION AS BEFORE. NO, NOT NOW. NOT NOW KNOWING THAT SOMEONE OUT THERE, NAMELY YOU, WILL JUST LOSE IT. NO, I DON'T THINK I CAN TRUST YOU ANYMORE. YOU ARE ON VERY THIN ICE, SIR. BE CAREFUL.



I'm sorry for that outburst everyone. I just thought I had written something interesting and original. It was a description of a dream/funny nightmare I had last night involving me running from a genetically mutated Stegosaurus that shot its bony ball tail at me in the woods. But it was more than that. It had commentary and inside jokes and emotions directly stemming from my sleep and my own personal little touch which I thought some people might enjoy. This story was much better than the creepy basement/octopus toy singing to me night, or at least I thought so, but perhaps not, since it was a dream....well, maybe we'll see sometime which will fit better in my memory. My brain says I have to get rid of one of them. Maybe I'll have an online poll. Or maybe I will just forget about this blog and write a new one at a later time.

Hey there,
so I'm home for another damp week in jersey, only to get to drive back to Syracuse on Saturday to move into the new house. Maybe ill just stay there and make it easy on myself... whatever, that’s not what on my mind right now though. I officially detest the Janet Drive webpage and I simply cant think of a good idea for new version. The snowflake thing is played out- and personally I don’t think it says anything about us. I don’t want this page to just be a informational site, and I don’t want unnecessary flash elements to make it look pretty- it should be tasteful- artistic- and it should be more than just another band website. Perhaps I’m just uninspired... in which case I’m asking for your help. What makes this band? what makes a cool website? any ideas- think imagery- style (old new) colors (bright dark) think message
Well thanks let me know if you have any good ideas, I have nothing to do- no job - so keep me busy, lets make web pages...

let's see if this works. I'm at home now. Home home. The new place is really nice, everything is being set up gradually, but it is now starting to look like home home again and not just a new home, but a homier home, more homely if you will. Speaking of homes, I hope to move in to yet another home in a week or so. yes. that's right, a home away from home, meaning more independence and homely friends acting like homers hitting home runs for the detroit tigers and philadelphia phillies and new york yankeemets and baltimore orioles. I slept in my own bed last night for the first time since I left school two weeks ago, but I know the guys and gal in Janet Drive had their sleeping arrangements in kookier and crazier places than me. so we'll just not complain about that and go eat oranges while listening to whiny songs in the changer and staring out at my new creepy subdivision that looks like a new england shore community.

anyways, I just left craig's house because he went back to kalamazoo, dropped ryan cosens' off at his door and scooted home to search the internet for the first time in the new home. before I left thought craig showed me something which Ryan and I got a kick out of, if you will. it was his sister's automobile and a particular piece of paper stuck to the windshield. it was a oil change notice in the upper left hand side of the front window, they got it in Atlanta recently and it said the mileage until their next oil change and then instead of a date or a month or anything of that nature, it said "HOLLA BACK". ha, it was hysterical, oh those crazy atlantans, or ATLiens, whichever you prefer. alright, I need to go read, but gentlemen of Lancaster House. I will be up there next week sometime to move in and meet you guys and deliver a warm welcome accompanied by a handshake and possibly a glass of lemonade. Mark, Al, Pat, and Bill, if you guys are around I would love to hang out or just talk. I'm going to call Bill shortly and arrange everything. Hope to see you guys soon. Miss you.

Love,
Christopher

Ah this spring-summer interlude certainly has had it in for us, with flat tires, faulty directions, exploding hot water heaters (and the ensuing cold showers), tow trucks, parking tickets, painfully lame hXc towns, and a slew of other recent major and minor misfortunes that we just can't seem to shake. I can't help but think it's something I'm not doing right, but I know that we all have bad luck streaks and don't disasters come in three's?

I've lost count at this point.

But... today when I walked out of Doc's Little Gem Diner and made it to my car there was a ladybug crawling around right on top of my door handle, so I really hope that's a good sign and not some demon in the sky laughing in my face once again. And it keeps raining in Delaware. What're we gonna do?!

"I sees the goat, so I feeds the goat."

The moon is to Antarctica as the Horsehead Nebula is to my breathing, living soul. Two unrelated, yet barren objects, both terrifyingly brilliant, yet one is astronomical and the other is extremely earthly and natural.

Congrats to Jonathan's futon, William's pizza slice, Mark-Patrick-Alberto-Marisa-Howard's company in Ace Deuce, Craig's capacity to further the human race, Ryan's technical workmanship, and Julie's everything.

Sitting at Jon's computer in Grand Rapids...thinking, feeling apologetic, calm, and disconnected, in a constant state of flux, of course happy in my own little world. The Master's words speak truthfully last night when he spoke of the near full moon last night and the clear, black night sky--I didn't want to leave the room, fall out of the window and drown in the ink.

Already or soon to be a cold weather Gandhi.

Three shows down and four to go. Right now I'm up on the third floor of the Ann Arbor District Library blogging, waiting for Christopher Sauchak (formerly Crispin Glover, currently Future Man) and his posse to roll up and give me the grand tour. Much thanks to Howard for giving us a place to stay tonight. Everything's running pretty smoothly so far except for Mark long since forgetting his clothes in Fredonia. We've met some extremely friendly and generous people and I hope it continues. It's always good to make friends in places you've never been.

Afternoons are much needed downtime, however in London, Ontario everything sans Mr. Sub seems to be closed by 5. Luckily I'm out of there now, so let's hope we'll find some entertainment today. Of course, I'm just looking for a comfy place to rest my head. Wish us luck.

Brilliant post now lost. Damn the Canton Public Library internet server. I just explained in great detail and hilarity of my creepy night sleeping in the basement of my mother's friends home with eerie jack-in-the-box music and children's toys that look like octopi and light up. Not to mention the funny little indie gathering at an old friends house with a great Van Hammersly laughing billiard game and a dude who looked exactly like Andy Audio and his creepy buddy who looked at me hard because I laughed to myself but nobody else got the joke. Oh well. Blog, you blew it. Everyone lives happily in the end. Bummer.

So Mark, will there be a big Parkfest post or do we all have to make due with what emocuse has to say?

One down today, another in an hour. Last one tomorrow, should be done by 2:30. Then am looking forward to being cooped up in a Suburban for the next 8 days.

OK... 2:30am blogger you're letting me down. First time ever a post has been denied so I'm freewriting in Windows Notepad and I can tell you already "there's no place like home." Wilmington? You there? Delaware are you aware of Air Supply and Television? Is this thing on?

Talking to Al thru instant messages, yeah I saw those cats tonight. We laughed and ate and drank and laughed some more. And here I am at my desk, thinking about everything I want to say but responding to Al's questions, too.
oomralb: what is that your OOO face?

Yes, it's that intelligent of a conversation. I'm saying what's on my mind and it's good to have someone listen. We have the private chat capabilities, people... janetdrive.com... earlsgarage.com... the sorority song "i hate your life (and mine)" is really excellent, no joke.
Maybe I'll even win that mountain bike I've had my eye on once this is all done and passed. But I can't beat Sauce and everything he writes... I've been worried lately because he never gets sick and especially never gets headaches. "One donut filled with.... jamb." "Jelly?" "I already said it once."

I wanted to do a wrap-up of this year but this isn't the "proper" time or place. However... tully.ottawa.pittsburgh.boston.rochester. Thank you for, "meh... getting me out of this hellhole," at least for a day or two or three. It's tough not to remember a change of scenery even if it means sitting middle ("bitch" is so derogatory) in the back seat. I also feel that possibly after watching High Fidelity, I wanted to do multiple Top 5 lists, but that ain't happening until the three remaining finals are over and done with. I will say that this year has felt like a transition and I am very comfortable with that. Something painful/difficult/etc. was hot and cold and drawn out for 8 months. I just hope you find what you've been looking for. 5,000 more words I could write on this subject but it will only draw it out longer. So. I'll. Stop.

Earlier, nearing almost six hours ago, I unbuckled my belt before I hit the bathroom door to urinate. See, my mind was moving quicker than my body. My head was pounding, something fiercer than ever I have ever felt in my lifetime.

I had to come back to my room. I told Biddle I just had to drop off my writing portfolio and my history final paper and then I would be back to watch whatever movie the people decided on. I left the TRF 255 screening at 3:45 with plenty of time to make it to Eggers Hall before 4:30 and HBC before 4:45. Easy as pie! Piece of cake! Delicious as...

I watched my fellow students' projects after mine was viewed and I was quite pleased with the results. I laughed at Craig's drunken tomfoolery with the rest of the apparently inebriated crowd, and applauded tyler sonnichsen's mock film noir. (I just had to spell his last name out because it is such an interesting name, Craig's last name is Wood, which to me is boring so I didn't feel like spelling it out, but I just did a second ago anyway, so therefore defeated by myself) I even, yes, I did, I smiled at the sheer absurdity of Kappa Kappa Gamma bait, Slopey's tapeworm infomercial. Good job to everyone and congrats on a wonderful semester.

As the room darkened and people started filing out, we watched a student documentary on a delightful character of the university before watching the secret lost tapes of Biddle's appearance on Remote Control. Remember that show? First I watch Linklater's Slacker and now Music Television's horrible horrible gameshow that Biddle appeared on in 1990. Wow! I wonder who hosted the spring break parties back then for Music Television. I know it wasn't D.O.C.! I wouldn't have known it either professor. Anyway, around this time the room in Newhouse II was quite dark, and yet my head was pounding. It was horrible, I should have known what was going to happen, I had been getting sinus headaches for the past four days now! Damn! So when the lights came out I bolted out of the door, smiling at whoever was standing in between me and the outside world.

Breath of fresh air! Head is pounding! Cough! Fuck! Not again! I struggle my way up the hill to the quad and turn in my papers. Waiting for the elevator was the most grueling experience I have had in a while. I paced back and forth trying to take my mind off of the pain.

I hate to lie to Biddle, after he just saved my ass big time, but I had to go back to the room and fumble through Bill Martin's sock draw to find some brain medication. I popped two decongestants and two headache/pain relievers and walked out of the room to go to the bathroom to urinate.

That leaves me where I started off...unbuckling my belt and undoing the zipper before I even enter the bathroom. My head is pounding. I feel like someone's poking my brain, prodding it in a lab that reminds me of a New York city subway.

Do something to get this headache out of your head. Lie down. Put on a film. The Limey. Steven Soderbergh, my savior, my hero. No, Nicky Katt is my new hero. Captured my attention the first time on camera half way through the film. That voice, that sly wit, I knew it from somewhere. I have seen that movie that I recognize the voice from. Hurrah! Hurrah! Anyway, back to the film. I could feel my head become numb from the pain relievers. What a joke! Drugs make my head numb so it cannot feel the tumor lodged in one of my sinus cavities. Shit. Don't even joke about that, there is no tumor. I know that. I know there is no tumor, but my head feels like Athena is about to be birthed from my skull.

By the end of the film my brain was good. I felt good. I felt relaxed. The numbness had kicked in. I resent drugs for making me not feel pain, they just numb it for a little bit until it comes back after that. My brain still hurts. Bummer I cannot feel it.

About an hour ago I replay the incident. I woke up from a nap. I popped Volta Do Mar into the changer again and pressed play. I got up to go to the bathroom. This time I opened the door with my shoulder as I reached down to unbuckle my belt. This time I at least started to enter the bathroom before reaching for my belt. That is a little better I would like to think.

Progress '03

I want to preface this by saying that I am not very religious at all, those of you who know me, know this. Those of you who don't, I am telling you now. I wanted to add more to this disclaimer, but I cannot think of anything suitable that would praise the people who affect me in the best ways possible, so I'm just going to transcribe a passage from the bible that was written in a letter last summer from my dear friend Jonathan. Take from it what you will.

James 1:22-25
do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. do what it says. anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. but the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it he will be blessed in what he does.