Dear anyone,
read pat's previous message... that fact of the matter is that life drags when you’re not living it. In no way am i trying to imply that i live my life to the fullest, no far from it... in fact today i found myself looking forward to doing work, my only solace in this ridiculous world that looms outside the confines of home. I don’t know what to think, was my life designed to be this way, am i destined to wallow in self-pity for the little that remains of my youth. Does He have a greater plan for me? I mean who is He to decide, i don’t even know if their exists an "omniscient being whose foretold our fortunes a million times before we even existed", i mean id like to but i don’t think He’s some old man with a big white beard or nothin. So im forced to think of what could have been. Why am i here, and what is to come? And the only thing i can think of is doing something that makes me happy. I don't mean to imply that life should be meaningless self-gratification. No, i mean that one must do what one has to in the face of grayness, and longing. I personally figured out today that my life revolves around school, not willingly, but simply for the lack of any outside forces playing a role in my life. So ive decided that i will not be happy with what i have, no sir, instead ill will focus on that which will extend my being in some direction. I will make music. I will make art. I will learn that which I deem important. And furthermore I will find that which is missing in my life, and complete, by one manner or another, His almighty plan, My almighty fucking plan.

(we live meaningless lives, in a meaningless world, full of despair and misfortune, routine and vacancy... its a beautiful thing...)