Unfavorable Topography: 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

this should have been bill martin locking his door, this should have been al abril drawing the likeness of the red snow, this should have been pat knapp calling his name high on high, this should have been mark pierce laughing at laughing others, this should not have been me...why am I doing this so early in the morning. Ya ne znaiu! I should have been sleeping a half hour ago, my eyes hurt enough to force me in bed with them still inside. Problems arise when I reach the keys and feel the rhythm of some vibrating waves, how can I be moving when I tire so...I know this weekend will not aid in my ability to sleep for hours past the sunlight. Unfortunately I have already started tomorrow in my head and there is no getting around how much there is to do with the snow impeding my greatest efforts calling for a clockwise hell and a counterclockwise physical production in such a freezing hell. Of course, physiologically, counterclockwise production, at least for humans, is damn near impossible while facing such hardships. I don't know why I'd be the only one out there to do such nonsense because it is so unlikely for anyone to try. But I love it so, why else am I here? Hmm...the delicious taste of challenge and the long hard journey, just to tell you I did it. Been called out on it many-a-time, but gosh darnit I won't give up, its my nature, its the only thing I can offer mother earth that will make her proud of me.(?) Questioning if that is true is a multitude of people cast in my life/play begging me to stop. Look outside. She doesn't want me to stop. Not just yet.



Let us forge ahead...

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

[if this were an ACTUAL online journal filled with my bull-ish]

so today was a lazy day...al, bill, and I watched Pirates...as soon as we got up. I forgot to mention that I woke up around one in the afternoon. 'Tis the latest I have slept in since before this semester started and I was alone in this house for a week or so and stayed up all night after work watching movies and then woke up the next day at noon or later and watched movies and television before I went in to work. With the weather of course, it doesn't allow much fun activity outside these walls. After that I spent some time reading about dramatic writing and listening to John Coltrane's A Love Supreme. Ah those Impulse! years of his were amazing. Some of the best jazz ever recorded. Lately that's all I've wanted to listen to--Coltrane and then the more upbeat Afrobeat of Fela Kuti and his Africa 70, which later turned into his Egypt 80. Damn! That's a lot of people on one stage (The Shrine). I've been trying to find out about his life, Fela's that is. I have been rather unsuccessful for now, but I haven't spent much time researching. I need to focus on school work first, but that's not happening, just like normal. I would like to tell my professor that I would much rather download all of Fela's 70 some odd albums then read the script for the Godfather and another professor that I would much rather read James Joyce's Ulysses and write nonsensical prose then translate Russian newspaper articles. But my laziness and selfishness will consume me soon enough. Give me work or give me death! That should be my battle cry. But these things keep me in check. No time for fun! I have to make it through this, just to prove to people that I can. Lo! and behold, I'll be doing just that for the rest of my life. Ah well, I say I need a challenge and it just so happens that I say that all the time, therefore I'm always trying to challenge myself, work myself to the limit just to see if I can so when I get out in the real world...blah blah blah [I actually hate the way that word sounds and looks, but I write it only because everyone knows what I'm talking about] Seriously, life? Now? Why not? Shouldn't...? I? I mean, "Me"? Wait? Who? But seriously...this is getting me nowhere and everywhere! I either hate or love what my mind is doing to me right now and you know what, I fuckin' love it! Not so much emphasis on the profanity as you think. Its there for emphasis. Ha. Humor me, please. I know everyone out there thinks the same things. Look outside. See that snow? It looks beautiful. Despite the cold, can't you just smile at the snow? It appreciates its existence more than most people. We both laugh at our situation. We both know its not permanent, we both sleep at night and wake up to a new day. Thoughts and dreams are recycled, there is no doubt in my mind that we aspire to and act on dreams, it is a great thing, but the rest of the people out there, specifically the ones who know me, give a little chuckle at the world because...(name your own reason, she loves them all and everyone has at least one)

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Hello operator.
I would like to place a call.
To the pale gray phone that is hanging on the wall.
I know this sounds kind of crazy.
Is there a way to patch me through,
So she doesn't hear me ringing?
I will wait I've got nothing else to do.
So when she finally picks me up.
Checking for a dial tone.
To finger in the number of her lover's telephone.
I will be resting on the earlobe.
That I used to hunt and peck.
I will slowly, slowly, wrap my self around her pretty little neck.
Then I'll begin the explanation,
As to why she can no longer breathe.
I will say, "You should have never been unfaithful you stupid bitch!
You should have never fucked with me!"


- Pedro the Lion - "A Blueprint of Something Never Finished"
The doom of our favorite record lies in the harmonica of your mind spilling chord progressions of sophisticated and melancholy natures both in doing one and five things at once completely unorganized and obliterating of the system that sheds its lovely moniker on all sorts of children ranging from seven to five in a backwards nation similar to the one where cupid lives right now giving spongebaths to monkey-shiners and roustabouts while clean, crude people live in the hills above all sorts of cannibals conniving below in a sadistically contrived society labeling icicles and stalactites from kentucky to france in shoegazer like trance folding oak buckets that fight for trophies from the fields of minnesota to the lakes in the great lake state of mind that allows cannibals of course cannibals again to fill up their bellies with contrived works of art from humans to more humans to humans without diseases to humans who are unclean to humans feasting on other humans in a herculean labyrinth of skill and technology that all ends up without the word or world and slowly and slowly and slowly and slowly buzzing in our ears while slowly killing and dying at the same time of our minds compared to the world that we live in and all we can try to do is hurry home through the fog...

Friday, January 16, 2004

You mistrusted what will bleed, will not die, will not bleed.
The heart was first in that line.
Though it was under those conditions.
We were free, we were free, we were free.
Under those conditions of pain that would not leave.
You are all I've ever trusted.
You're self-made, self-made, self-made.
You made it on hard work and risk, hard work, hard work, and hard work.
How will I live on without you.
Without your customs of working, thinking action through.
These days, these days are obvious to you--budgeted.
How selfless for time to conclude.
What would be the day for leaving to work its charm on you.
And I can tell by that look you were thinking the same thing too.
This can't last, just what can last?
This can't last, just what can last?
Then its lights out after this kiss.
Then its lights out after this kiss.
Then time can't torment us.
Then time can't torment us.
This will have to serve.
This will have to serve.
Goodnight lover! Goodnight lover!
Goodnight lover! Goodnight lover!
Wherever you are...wherever you are...wherever you are...


-Songs: Ohia - "Goodnight Lover"

Friday, January 09, 2004

Just called to say 'Hi!'